It was time to travel. I was not excited. I just came out of a cave. No, I have not been in a physical cave but spent four months in isolation at my own will to brainwash my own soul. I have been preparing my own death, I wanted to die a good death where I don’t have to come back to live in this world of foolishness and suffering. Four months ago, a big realization hit me that everything that we were taught about happiness, or how to be happy is wrong. Everything about it, every belief we tell about ourselves, we are telling lies to believe in illusion, that builds no immunity to the real suffering that is going to happen to us, and can even be poisonous. That’s why I chose to come out and change for myself, change my thought pattern to break the deep-rooted pattern that society has taught us, to change my being to that 24 years old girl that I once was, I wanted her back. As I was sitting in the airport I looked at a modeling picture that I recently received.

It was taken around the time I had acne. I was told that I could not have this picture without it being airbrushed. I remember the airbrushed version changed not only my skin but also my face. If it is airbrushed, would I be prettier? Beauty is a worldly treasure that one possesses. We like to see beautiful things, humans like to think our body has to be better than others, better than what we had before, be fatter, be slimmer, toner, younger. But is it really that good? If we rip our skin off the first layer, you will see the blood that smells. Then rip the entire skin off, you will see the liver, kidney, intestine, lungs, new food, old food, shit, piss, puss, bile all over. Right now, anyone would be too disgusted to see this. The body is just a grotesque mixture of four elements of Earth, water wind and fire that comes together in a combination of dirt. You can tell by the things that comes out of our body, our spit, urine, shit that used to be the beautiful food we fantasized about before we eat, now we don’t even want to look at it nor touch it. This makes us all the same, with the only tiny bit of difference is our skin colour. The first part that we have to look at for beauty is hygiene. Why do we have to go to beauty clinics all the time to do deep cleansing treatment? It is because our skin is dirty. Even sweat comes from our dirty body inside out. The spots on our skin are made from the by product of dirt inside us. No matter how much we polish, even if we can fool people that we are clean with glowing skin, there is still dirt buried in it. Next time try to see what your beautician has picked out of our skin. Perhaps you will be disgusted with the truth. Next time when you exercise, look at the sweat, do they smell? And the dead skin that comes off in the shower. We are covered with that from head to toe, not one inch of us is clean. If were really that clean then we would have never washed in our life. We are glowing because we wash. People fall for our skin, not only that, our makeup too, that fools us and other people that we are beautiful. Same as our clothes, it covers the truth. Even when you are looking at my face right now. My face is dirtier than a skull, because inside my face there is brain, and the skull is covered in layers of blood and puss. At least the skull is cleansed from these things. However, we don’t want to see it, we only want to see what we want to see, be drunk in the skin. Beauty is the thought that leads to happiness and unhappiness about the body, endless obsession, comparisons, plastic surgeries, modifications, jealousy and thoughts that lead people away from peace. At the end of the day, we all age, which shows up on our body, we get sick as our body is a nest of diseases. Then we all die. Our body has the condition to destroy itself until our death. We exercise and eat well just to slow down this very law of nature. This is the thought that leads to peace. Why be so fussed about the body? The body is not you, nor yours. Why see the beauty in the betrayer?